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| (txtr1) : | i think my breath could take out a small village. |
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| (txtr1) : | except for what I just found out about my older brother I had a pretty good childhood! |
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| (txtr1) : | we just gave your number to a gay guy in a restaurant in New York. Like really gay. |
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| (txtr1) : | i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!! |
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| (txtr1) : | every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y. |
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| (txtr1) : | how do we leave politely? |
| (txtr2) : | Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke. | |
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| (txtr1) : | and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening |
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| (txtr1) : | i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it. |
| (txtr2) : | she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her. | | (txtr1) : | are you serious? | |
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| (txtr1) : | tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too. |
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| (txtr1) : | i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there |
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| (txtr1) : | I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that? |
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| (txtr1) : | i dont know whats so great about being respectable. |
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| (txtr1) : | If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public. |
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| (txtr1) : | I had to remind my roommates of the importance of wearing clothing at all times in the common living area. My roommates are my parents. |
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| (txtr1) : | please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there. |
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